Information about local BEREAVEMENT group in bayonne

 As seasonal blues may take extra toll, bereavement group offers support | Faith Matters - nj.com 

 By  Rev. Alexander Santora/For the Jersey Journal

A local health magazine ran a story last month titled “Holiday Blues? Here’s How to Cope.” Not only big holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas can be depressing for some people, but also this season of the year, autumn -- even more so for those who are grieving the loss of a loved one at a time when the days are shorter and the leaves are falling.

St. Henry’s Catholic Church in Bayonne has a spiritual remedy: a bereavement group.

“The goal is to offer spiritual support to comfort those who mourn a loss through death,” said Carmel Galasso, a certified bereavement leader.

The group will meet for six Tuesdays beginning Nov. 8 for one hour to 90 minutes.

“The sharing is personal and confidential to the group, a safe place to talk and express emotions,” said Galasso, a Bayonne resident whose full-time work is director of Housing Services for the United Way of Hudson County since 2006.

Each session will begin with a prayer or spiritual poem, she described. Then a candle will be lit to represent the life of the deceased and to offer hope in the darkness of the journey. Topics covered will include the stages of grief, communications and listening to one another and to understand what mourning and grief are.

“Grief is a normal reaction to loss,” Galasso said. “Mourning is the process of adjustment and adaptation to the loss.”

The group will examine the impact of trauma, observances of death and what our culture says about mourning. They’ll talk about the emotional, physical and psychological aspects of grief and how it is important to affirm feelings of anger, sadness and joy.

Individuals can share their story or not, she said, and sometimes the personality of the group will determine how fast or slow they move from one discussion topic to another. Each meeting recaptures the topic of the week before. In the final meeting, there will be a guided meditation with music to help to prepare the participants to move on from the support group.

In each meeting, the group affirms each individual and their feelings and loss. The goal, Galasso said, is “to walk the road with those who are grieving and to make it less lonely.”

Galasso had led the autumn group for six years before COVID put it on hiatus. The Rev. Raul Gaviola, pastor, asked her to revive it. Galasso tries to limit each group to no more than 12 participants so each person has a chance to contribute. Most past participants have been middle-aged women, more so than men, she said. And the deaths they mourn are often spouses or children.

The greatest challenge, Galasso said, is to try to answer questions for which there are no answers. People want to know what happens to the person after death, for example. Sometimes there is anger at oneself and even the person who died.

“We try to balance that so they don’t beat themselves up,” she said. A special challenge is when parents talk about the loss of a child. “The pain is different, especially if it is sudden,” Galasso said.

Galasso is also concerned about people who have delayed grief during COVID and were unable to have the traditional rituals. Plus, the fact that COVID took a lot of people unexpectedly.  Galasso brings previous experience in working with those in mourning to the group. From 1996 to 2006, Galasso worked for Catholic Charities in the Archdiocese of Newark connecting people with human services, including working with 9/11 families through casework and financial assistance. Before that, from 1987 to 1995, she was the assistant director of Campus Ministry at St. Peter’s University and an adjunct instructor teaching a class on “Death, Dying and Bereavement.” She was also the founder and director of Kaleidoscope, a grief support group at the university, and conducted graveside services while she was there.   She is a member of the Board of Regents and was past president of the Alumni Board for St. Peter’s University and was president of the board for Hudson Hospice.

Galasso said she is willing to “help everyone on their journey so they can walk with someone.” This a gift she has honed over a lifetime.

Advice for those in mourning

Carmel Galasso, who will run the Ministry of Compassion bereavement support group at St. Henry’s Church in Bayonne, offers this advice for those in mourning:

• Acknowledge your pain.
• Support yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically.
• Understand that it is a process and not a quick fix.
• Keep a journal of your feelings or to express your thoughts to the person you are grieving; say what you didn’t have a chance to say.
• Schedule something that you enjoy like a hobby; go for a walk.
• Accept the support of family and friends.

Details ...

St. Henry’s Church’s Ministry of Compassion bereavement support group will meet for six Tuesdays beginning at 7 p.m. Nov. 8 at the Parish House, 82 W. 29th St., Bayonne.  To register for the group, call the parish office at 201-436-0857, Ext. 110.

The Rev. Alexander Santora is the pastor of Our Lady of Grace and St. Joseph, 400 Willow Ave., Hoboken, NJ 07030. Email: padrealex@yahoo.com; Twitter: @padrehoboken.